There and Back Again: A Rational Mother's Tale of Her Journey Into Irrationality

My son has been going to a daycare/preschool for about 3 weeks now. We chose this daycare because we have a few friends who take their kids and they really like it. Jaiden has a blast. He was moved to the preschool section with the 3 and 4 year olds instead of the toddler section because he is potty trained and has a great vocabulary. In other words, he is brilliant for a 2 year old. (I know, I know. He is almost 3 but don't try to change my mind.)

One of the people dropping her kids off is a very good friend of mine. We have known each other for about 15 years, maybe more. Her youngest is 3.5 years old. Jaiden and this little girl, let's call her Sammy, have known each other since Jaiden was born (she is about 9 months older than he is). They have grown up together.

Sammy has been going to this daycare for about a year. So when Jaiden started going, he naturally saw an instant friend. He does everything with Sammy. EVERYTHING. The staff have even joked how it is good for Jaiden when Sammy isn't there, because he then has to play with someone else.

About 3 or 4 days ago, Jaiden came home and said, "Sammy is my best friend." At the time 2 things went through my mind. First was: Awww! How sweet. My 2, almost 3, year old thinks he has a best friend. Second was: How does he even know the term "best friend"?

If you were to ask Jaiden who his friends were, he will point to everyone and say they are all his friends. It is interesting that he placed Sammy in the "best friend" column. Adorable, right?

Well, yesterday I picked Jaiden up and about halfway home he says, "mom, Sammy's not my best friend." The radio was on and I had our AC up so I didn't think I heard him correctly. I turned everything off and asked him so say that again. So he says, "Sammy says she's not my best friend." And then he proceeds to cry. Here enters my journey into irrationality.

Into my mind goes all of the criticisms of Sammy. Who does she think she is? Jaiden doesn't need her. He can find a better friend. Etc, etc, etc. If you have a child of your own, you are surprised at how quickly any logic leaves your mind. All that I could think about was how she just broke my little boys heart. I'm not sure if you realize how far my irrationality went. Any other day, I really like Sammy and her family. We've exchanged hugs at daycare and when our schedules align, we get together. Maybe have a play date. Maybe just see each other at birthday parties. Her mom and I have gone through a lot together. A LOT! I was ready to end it all.

And then reason returns. I made myself take a step back and think about their age. They are 3. While I know my son is brilliant, he still thinks that everyone at daycare is his friend, no matter their age. While I hope this innocence never goes away, it may lead to quite a few tears along the way.

Next, I thought about Sammy. She and Jaiden were great friends the day before, so what changed? Jaiden is pretty laid back. He doesn't throw temper tantrums except for the rare occasion. But when he likes something, he loves it. And he thinks of nothing else. Even if the something is a person. Thinking about what Jaiden said, I realized she probably just wanted a break from him. Remember, they are 3. He can be a little overwhelming at times.

This entire journey happened within a matter of seconds. Ok. Maybe a minute or two or five. Don't judge. It was my first time.

So, finally I gave him the advice that he needed. Sometimes he is going to have to play with other people too. Sammy sometimes likes to play with her other friends too. He needed to try to play with the other little boys and girls. This is where he informed me that he wasn't little, he was big. And our conversation detoured. Phew! Crisis averted!

Today when I picked him up, Jaiden and Sammy had returned to being friends and were chasing each other around. All was right in the world again.

To all of you rational parents out there, you are not alone. We all have our irrational moments. Learn from them. And may your world be righted again soon.

Potty Training--Day ??

We stopped working on the potty training front for a while.  Jaiden just didn't seem all that into it.  And he has an attitude like his mother.  When he decides he doesn't want to do something, watch out! :) We went back to diapers, but didn't give up entirely.  Every once and a while, we would ask him if he wanted to use the potty.  If he said yes, success! If he said no, that's ok.  Then, at the end of the year, we decided to change daycare facilities.  (We loved our daycare, but the hours just didn't work.)  When our neighbor found out we were changing, she asked if she could watch him for us.  Score!  An at home daycare, with great hours, and a person we know and respect!  Can't get much better, right?  Wrong!!  She then said that she would be willing to work on potty training if we wanted.  Sweet!

We needed to get a couple of things for Jaiden so that he would be ready.  We still had two weeks before our neighbor would start watching Jaiden, so we thought it would be a great idea to get him comfortable with the process.  Jaiden and daddy went to the store and picked out new underwear, Thomas the Train.  Jaiden is absolutely obsessed with Thomas the Train.  We also pulled out his little potty to get him used to it.  Now let me just say, this all happened the last week in December to the first week in January.  Jaiden was only 2 years and 3 months old.

With the purchase of the new underwear, Jaiden was gung-ho about potty training.  He would have an accident and would come tell us immediately.  If we asked him to sit on the potty, he would do it right away.  Those two weeks were great.  There were lots of accidents, but Jaiden wanted to use the potty so badly that the accidents were few and far between.  Our neighbor was surprised at the level at which Jaiden was using the potty.  After a month or so, Jaiden was no longer having accidents unless we forgot to prompt him to use the potty.  He still wasn't recognizing the signs of a full bladder himself.  And then we hit a plateau.

Jaiden was doing ok with the potty training, but we couldn't get passed him not recognizing when he needed to go potty.  We were flummoxed.  He was getting frustrated because we were frustrated and all of the frustration was not helping.  We tried to keep calm, but after you clean the carpet for the third time that day it just adds up.  We would ask Jaiden where he was supposed to go potty.  He told us on the toilet.  And the next time he had to go...it would be on the floor.  We tried getting him to help us clean up.  He would say it was yucky and then the next time...he would go on the floor.  We didn't know what to do.

Then one day, Jaiden saw how daddy went potty standing up.  It was a brand new concept and Jaiden wanted to try.  Then he started to tell us that he needed to go potty just so he could stand up when he did it.  It is now April and Jaiden is doing well.  He still has an occasional accident, but he is recognizing when he needs to go.  And if he doesn't make it to the potty, Jaiden is able to stop it so he only has a little mess. It has been a learning process for us all.